Whether we like it or not, our circumstances are most often determined by our actions. Human beings have an inexplicable capacity to fool ourselves. We tell ourselves, “I will get in shape in the new year.” Or, “I will move past the pain of that failed relationship…abuse…addiction…hurtful action,” only to end another year in the same place we started.

We set goals and make resolutions. We make vision boards and use mantras to plant the seeds of change in our minds. Yet, according to various sources, between ninety-two and eighty percent of people fail to keep their New Year resolutions.

What is the difference between the majority and those who succeed? Intention. The mistake most of us make is setting our goals from a place of superficial wants and desires. We want to feel good all the time and think working out will achieve this unrealistic objective. We want to be empowered and believe offering a gesture of forgiveness will do the trick. We hold back the eye roll and say, “Fine, I forgive you.” Our intentions in these actions are not clear or sincere enough to create what we really desire.

This year, instead, start the process of determining what you will create in 2018 with an honest exploration of what you truly want. Use the why, why, why method to get down to the wellspring of true creative power. Here’s an example.

Goal: I want to make $90,000 in 2018.

1. Why? Because I want to be able to pay off all my debt.
2. Why? Because when I feel indebted and stressed I am not happy.
3. Why? Because I feel like I have to spend all of my time focused on making money and not enjoying my time.

In the process above I went from a goal to an intention. It’s okay to have a goal but use the intention to motivate you to stay on track. In this example, I want to make $90,000 so that I have time to do the things I enjoy.

Here’s a forgiveness example.

Goal: I want to forgive my father for abusing me when I was young.

1. Why? Because I hate him and that makes me feel bad. Our relationship isn’t good.
2. Why? Because I think about how things could have been if he hadn’t done what he did.
3. Why? Because I want to have better, more intimate relationships.

Forgiving everyone from your past (one at a time) is a great goal. I guarantee you will be a happier, more empowered person if you do. But, you likely won’t move all the way through the process if you’re not clear on why you are doing it. Abstract altruism isn’t going to do the trick. Being clear that how who you are in the world limits the closeness of your relationships will. The intention then is to have warmer relationships. You get there by forgiving.

This process doesn’t have just to be three “whys.” Keep asking why until you feel something light up in your body and mind. Something that feels like the spark of true, empowering motivation. Fuel that inspires a plan to get to the goal or goals. Break it down (Chapter 3 in The Power of Forgiveness offers eight specific steps to move through the forgiveness process).

Most importantly, keep your intention in your mind at all times. Write it down and repeat it often. Visualize what life will look like when you succeed. Don’t focus on the goal, but the intention, and you’ll have the fire you need to create exactly what you want in the coming year!

Wishing you a year filled with happy surprises, fulfilled intentions, and freedom from suffering!